The End of an Era

The year after my son left for college, my part-time career also came to an end. It began when I started teaching yoga when he was in Elementary school and had been teaching ever since. In addition to being a mom, yoga gave me an identity. When people inevitably asked, "What do you do?" I was able to say, "I teach yoga" and not, "Oh, I'm just a mom" which always felt disappointing.

But after more than a decade of teaching, I suffered a hip injury that required surgery and a year of physical therapy. Then fearing the possibility of re-injury, had I returned to teaching, I decided to put away the yoga mat for good. Now I was no longer a stay-at-home mom nor a yoga teacher. I had lost both identities almost at once.

What's next

So my first search for meaning was to find another job. A job that would give me direction - that would fill the gaping hole. But after a year of searching online for jobs, applying, and going to a few interviews, I have not yet found anything. I am at a point of giving up.

And so here I am….. struggling with emptiness and a loss of meaning. But rather than filling it with another external solution, like a job, a new hobby or a fun trip, I am starting to wonder if there is another way. What if I turned inward for a sense of worthiness, meaning and purpose? What if instead of running toward some future goal, I stopped, felt my emotions and was quiet in the moment?

Emptiness

So instead of looking for ways to fill my schedule I will look for ways to be present. So far it has lead to a lot of empty time - sitting, pondering, and feeling. It usually does not feel comfortable. It feels like I forgot something. Like there is something somewhere else I should be doing, but I can't remember what. But I will be patient. I will be quiet. I will feel. And I will wait.

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