Addicted to Lists

I love a good list. Some people love a good wine. Others a delicious meal. Me - it's a list. And it's not just one list. I have multiple lists. There's the short-term list, the long-term list, the project list, the master list, the travel list, the daily list, etc. I would even go so far as to say that I'm addicted to making lists and crossing items off my lists.

The connection between lists and self-worth

Lists give my life shape. Lists give me purpose. Lists keep me on track with my goals. But just as any other addiction, there is a dark side as well. When I'm not able to accomplish everything on my daily list, I feel disappointed in myself. Rather than feeling happy about the items I did cross off, I get frustrated and down about what didn't get done that day. So basically my mood is shaped largely by my productivity. The more I get done the better I feel. And vice versa.

Stop the bad habit

So how to stop this attachment to lists? How can I rely less on lists as a measurement of worth. The only thing I can think of is to stop writing them. That sounds as scary to me as it might feel for some to stop having their nightly glass of wine at the end of the day, or to stop eating ice cream when they are stressed. It is taking away a source of comfort. But, in my case, it is taking away a dependence on productivity for self worth.

Rather than cold turkey, I'm going to get rid of the daily list and start with a weekly list. Baby steps toward my goal. Hopefully I can eventually move from a weekly list to a monthly list. My goal is to disconnect the link between my productivity and my mood. I would rather that my mood be a reflection of my quality of life, rather than the quantity of accomplishments.

Follow up - How it's going

A week into this experiment and it has been a learning process. I've been writing a Weekly to Do list rather than a daily one. An interesting observation is instead of procrastinating doing items on my Daily list, I have found myself doing items on my Weekly list sooner than intended. The logic being that it would "give me extra free time" later in the week. There is still some adjusting to be done. I find that I am paying more attention to how I feel during the week and less attention to how many items I've crossed off my list. But I am already seeing progress. And it's all about progress, not perfection.