The Fear of Stopping

Why does the idea of rest scare the shit out of me? What am I so afraid of? Is it rational? Do I truly believe that if I allow myself to sit down, to slow down, to take a break that I might never get back up again? That the only thing keeping me going is momentum - and if I stop moving, everything will ground to a halt?

Sense of self-worth

It comes from my core belief that my actions define me. My sense as a worthwhile human being comes from my ability to create, produce and accomplish. Therefore if I stop all those things, my value disappears. Who am I if I'm not doing? What is my purpose? Am I still valuable? Am I still lovable?

The ridiculousness of these questions may be obvious to some. And I would never believe this about another human being. But why is my value so directly connected to my accomplishments? Because I lack internal esteem (aka self-esteem). Instead I have other-esteem; I get my esteem from others. When other people value what I do, I feel good. When others comment on my accomplishments, I feel valuable.

Facing the fear

So by stopping my activities I am forcing myself to build that sense of worth from within. I know it's going to be difficult and most likely, painful. But I am going to have faith that it will work. I will come out the other side stronger, better and more able tackle life's challenges - knowing that I am worthy. I am valuable. I am loved... by me!