Sleepless Nights

You could say that my mind is a terrible place to be after dark. When the busyness of the day has ended, the lights are turned down and I'm attempting to fall asleep, my mind can run rampant. There's a list of all the things I should have gotten done today but didn't (like returning that Amazon order, making a dental appointment, picking up the library book, or going to the gym).

Once I've run through all the shoulds in my mind, next are the shouldn'ts. You know, all those things that I shouldn't have done that day but did (like eating the whole box of cookies, sending that snarky text, leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or watching too many hours of Netflix).

Why do I do this?

Logically, I believe the "shoulds" are an effective behavior management tool. I think that by making myself feel bad today, it will encourage better behavior tomorrow. But in reality, it is just another way in which to beat myself up for not living up to my unrealistic expectations of myself. For five decades now I've adamantly believed that the stick is more effective than the carrot. But what if that's just not true?

How to change?

What if, now that I'm an adult, I could choose differently? What if the "shoulds" were just old beliefs? Beliefs I never questioned just like the sky being blue. How would I go about changing those "should" messages to something more useful in my daily life?

How about adding, "the story I'm telling myself is...." before the thought?

For example, "The story I am telling myself is that I should have worked out yesterday". Adding that short phrase to the original statement turns it into an opinion rather than a matter of fact. An opinion is something I can choose to believe or not. Unlike fact, opinion is arbitrary, not set in stone.

A gentler way.

We shall see how this change of phrase feels at night when I can't sleep and I'm tossing and turning, replaying the days events in my mind. It feels much gentler, less judgmental. It feels kinder, which is exactly what I am working toward in my Empty Resting journey.