Post-Covid Blues

It's been more than three years since the pandemic began in March 2020. So now that we are slowly coming out of the constant state of emergency that we lived in for years, I expected to feel better. With the widespread availability of Covid vaccines and improvement of Covid medical treatment, I am technically able to go about a more or less normal life again. So why am I not excited about going shopping, attending social events, or hanging out with friends? I should be celebrating the fact that a trip to the grocery store is no longer a life and death decision.

But instead of happiness, I find myself more irritable, less social, and just not the same person I remember myself to be pre-pandemic. Activities I used to find enjoyable, like browsing my local Target store, meeting a friend for lunch, or going to the movies with my husband are not fun anymore. Now I tend to enjoy activities that are more solitary endeavors, like reading a book, relaxing in my backyard hammock, gardening, and needlepoint.

Introverted Tendencies

Perhaps this should not be too surprising as I have always been an introvert at heart. But the fact that I now dread going out in public is a bit alarming. It has nothing to do with being afraid. It's just that I don't enjoy being where other humans happen to be. Going to the post office or the grocery store practically wipes out my energy for the rest of the day, and so I prefer to just stay home.

I realize that the constant vigilance over the past three years of fear, and bad news has exhausted my nervous system. I now have a very minimal tolerance for distress. For example, I can no longer watch the nightly news with my husband, a previous daily habit. The stories are too upsetting (whether they are about politics, immigration, or gun violence) and I feel powerless to do anything about them.

Survival Mode

Also, it seems to me that people in public are less friendly and more irritable in general. And the incidence of rude drivers and road rage seems to be at an all-time high. Perhaps all of our nervous systems are still in survival mode - so the capacity to care for or empathize with strangers is just not there.

And so I find myself gravitating toward homebound activities. With the advent of groceries delivered to our doorstep and next day Amazon shipping, it just keeps getting easier. I hope that as I continue to be mindful of my energy level that I can slowly build back my reserve for discomfort and distress so that one day I will want to venture out again. But in the meantime, I'm going to find a book and comfy spot to snuggle with my dog.