A New Season

It’s hard to believe that soon my husband and I will be taking a trip out to California to watch our son graduate from college. It seems like only yesterday that we drove 1500 miles across several states to get him all settled into his small dark concrete dorm room. And yet, it’s almost hard to remember that he started at the height of Covid, taking online classes sitting alone at his computer everyday and going to the health center for weekly Covid tests. That feels like a lifetime ago.

I can remember how I felt so lost and untethered after he left for college. It was, after all, the impetus to start this blog a year ago, when I was still struggling with my empty-nest life. But now, a year later, I have a new sense of peace. Mind you, not every day, but most days. Writing this blog has given me a sense of purpose and vantage point to see my life from a 10,000 feet perspective rather than a 10 foot perspective.

I see that my life has seasons and transitions and that is what this is - natural progression from active parenting to more supportive parenting. I’m not there to solve my son’s problems, just to listen and sometimes share my experience, and always let him know I'm there for him.

In the past, I have centered my life around my son. But now I have my own life to find joy and comfort in. I have made friends with similar values that enjoy deep conversations. I allow myself time to rest and recharge when I need it. Not feeling guilty that I’m not getting "enough" done every day.

Perhaps the largest change is that I have learned to give myself grace. I have always extended grace to others when they needed it, but rarely to myself. But I, too, need grace. Grace to make mistakes. Grace to rest. Grace to not know the answers right this minute. Grace to listen to what my body needs even when my brain is trying to override it with messages of guilt and shame.

I would say that this has been a very productive year. Learning to give myself grace is not something I could have ever accomplished from adhering to a stringent To-Do List. Instead I have learned it by slowing down, doing less and listening for the quiet whispers of my heart.

My heart wants peace. My heart wants rest. My heart wants joy. And so I have re-oriented my life to allow space for what is most important, like a seedling needing enough light, water and room to flourish and grow.

What a gift this Season of struggle has been. Now that I have new listening skills, I can’t wait to see what the next Season has in store for me…